Monday, April 23, 2012

The Dream...

Most of you know, it's always been my dream to be a part of National Geographic. Since I was a little kid, sitting on the floor in our living room in front of the TV. We only had 3 channels on the farm so it was a foregone conclusion that I would either grow up to be Cher, Jacques Cousteau, or a photographer for National Geographic. Just so you know, Cher was already all that and a bag of chips, Jacques Cousteau was already a legend, so National Geographic it is. I briefly toyed with idea of being Marie Osmond but was disappointed to learn I did not have that amazing smile or all those brothers.

When you're a kid growing up in a difficult environment, anything is better than where you are. When your life is limited in real time, your daydreams become your solace and a safe place to retreat when it gets really ugly. I did this often, play acting with my friends that we were variety show performers on the swing set in my neighbor's back yard, singing at the top of our lungs, putting on one heck of a show for the dogs and cats. We scared away the magpies from the garden so the parents didn't mind so much. We had underwater adventures complete with workshop goggles as our scuba masks. The endless ocean of grass and alfalfa fields were places where all kinds of creatures could be found to examine, tag, and set free to be caught again the next day, and the alfalfa was shoulder height so we could wade through and pretend we were swimming and diving in a clear green ocean.

It's funny how when you grow up this would be an action that would get you psychiatric care, but really, do we have to cease dreaming and playing? Why do we need to lose our innocence and get serious about work, family, and life? I know that I did. I had to get serious fast. I had 2 children to raise and I had to do it alone and make it work no matter how bad it got. While I was being serious, I was losing my ability to daydream, to plan, to enjoy, to laugh. I did make it through, and so did my kids. We were all a little battle weary, but like my favorite quote from Vince Lombardi, once the kids were on their own,

"I firmly believe that any man's finest hour, the greatest fulfillment of all that he holds dear, is that moment when he has worked his heart out in a good cause and lies exhausted on the field of battle - victorious."

This was how it was when they left to make their own way. They are good people, my kids. They try to do the right thing, even if it costs them. They can laugh, enjoy, and dream and live. I feel truly victorious in the regard. even if they struggle here and there a little, they both have a solid foundation and I know if anything happened down the road, their ability to navigate the storms is so ingrained, they'll both come out of whatever it is okay.

I feel this way about my own situation now. No matter what the situation. I am no shrinking violet. I will come out of it okay. Only now there is no urgency to survive, no stress, no, pressure. Just planning and dreaming for my own future.

I graduated business school a few years back, too many to mention. One of the exercises they ask you to do on the first day is set goals. We set goals in a short term and long term plan. Set the goal and then build your plan backwards as to what methods you'll use to achieve your goals. The instructor asked everyone in class to stand up and say out loud what their goals were. As we go through the rows of student, everyone had some pretty reasonable goals. When it gets to my turn, I stand up, a little shaky as we all know I had stage fright back then. I clear my throat and read from my goal sheets.
"I will own my own photography studio, I will make 'x' amount of dollars per year. I will travel extensively photographing as much of the world and the life in it for National Geographic."
The instructor stares at me blankly for a minute and then says out loud in front of the class " Don't you think that you should set a more realistic goal?  I mean, that is just not realistic."
The silence in the classroom was palpable. To his credit, one of the guys that sat in the back of the class said loud enough for everyone to make no mistake what he said, " Well I think it's a really cool goal and I hope you reach it." His comment was seconded by a few other murmuring students, but the majority were either too stunned by her bullying tone, or too weak to speak up, but the general consensus was that they all wished me well.

Now keep in mind, I had given up so much hope, lost my will to daydream, and had lived in survival mode for so long, my ability to read her negativity for what it was, was still on shaky ground. I had just recently found my voice and realized I could do anything I wanted, like I did when I was 5 years old and singing my heart out on the swing set. My kids were just coming into their adulthood, I was free to dream as I pleased, and she wanted to stuff me back in that little box with broken dreams. I was that battle scarred warrior, kneeling on the battlefield, victorious, and she dared to wrest my victory from my still bloody grasp.

Let me just be clear, less than 2 years later, I spent two days with His Holiness, the XIVth Dalai Lama, photographing his engagements here in Calgary. You want to bet, I sent an email to my Alma Matter to keep them posted on my progress fresh out of school. Realistic? Really?! Where would we be if the Wright brothers had been told not to dream? Steve Jobs? I say go ahead and dream! Go big or go home!

So I sent some of my work, along with a proper letter to National Geographic today. I've been sending them stuff for years, but had never been given permission to send it to the people who matter. With very heartfelt thanks to the people who believe in my skills and have been kind enough to recommend me, I sent it. It will take 6 to 10 days by regular mail to arrive at the head office. By the time it makes it's way through their mail room and delivered to the right person's inbox, it may be a day or two more. This same person probably gets 100 pieces of mail daily so when said person has a chance to open it, we'll see how far I've come.

If you all would care to wait with me, I'd appreciate your support and faith, prayers, facing east, meditation, blessings, well wishes, if anyone wants to invest in some fairy dust, that's acceptable as well.
So wait with me, and we'll reach for the stars together.

"Puerilis animi bona, quia est via ad astra." Virgil

Don't forget to check your Compass!
Cole

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