Things that go BUMP in the night...

After being unceremoniously evacuated out of my home this last few months, being told to stay out for 6 weeks give or take, and then being allowed back in August 1st only to be informed our occupancy was conditional, excuse me if I am a little lax about unpacking the boxes just yet.

It is the crunch time. The last week of our 'conditional' occupancy in my building on the river. (for a few days this summer it was IN the river... but I digress).

The owners were told certain repairs had to take place to be cleared for permanent residence by the City Inspectors and rightly so. Everyone who has been in this building knows we all live here for the location, and the ratty carpet in the hallways, the 1970's wallpaper, and light fixtures in the common areas were never something we thought about. We stayed because we all know each other, we are neighbours, we are friends and have been for as long as I have been here. We help each other with moving, driving to and fro, picking up something left out by mistake, and storing each other's stuff when needed. We spend hours in the sunlight on the front porch, watching the traffic, the squirrels, and laughing about the random subjects that cross our minds. We talk about the news, the new buildings, and the old buildings not ready for their occupants to go home yet.
After the flood, we came by everyday to check on our places, we gathered on the porch and watched the sad and defeated inhabitants of our quiet little block drag suitcases back and forth in the mud, then the dirt, and now the dust. We weren't so chatty then, as we all felt each other's pain at being left to figure out the maze of public assistance, the lack of information from qualified sources about what we could or could not do or apply for. We all pitched in with the 40-a-day volunteers to drag the muddied remnants of our lives into the street to be hauled away by the City Waste Department. Let me just say, that crew had the toughest job, worked the longest hours, and deserves a freakin' medal for what they did to clean up the mess.

So by this time next weekend, I'll know what the status is. Do I stay or do I go.

I left the boxes packed so I could leave again if I had to. I have no plan, nor do I want one. My new contracts will take me away most of the time anyway so putting everything back in storage for a few years is not out of the question. I like having roots, but I would rather have wings.

With no storage area left in the building, I have boxes packed and stacked in the corners and around the perimeter of my suite. Some times, I have to find something to finish a job for a client, and I'll have to sort through a box or two to get the right tool. Occasionally, I am in such a focused state, I forget I've left contents strewn over the ottoman and the boxes wide open in the hall. In the night, if I wake up and decide to get a glass of water, I frequently find myself scraping my legs on the boxes, tripping over the left behind contents, or generally spouting oaths of discomfort... loudly... at inappropriate times... after I have nicked my toes on a rolling vinyl backdrop. Highly unpleasant but tolerable just to be in my own space.

As of today, nothing that the City Inspectors have asked for has been completed and we are in the last week before the Inspector comes back to certify our building. There is a boiler here in the city, waiting to be installed, according to the ones that are here all the time, the carpet people have come and done estimates. It would be smart business to keep the money in the bank until they absolutely have to spend it, but really, putting every one at peace might actually be in their best interests at this stage.

If all goes well next weekend, I can write about something else. If not, everything is for sale, and I will be taking all serious offers seriously, because I'm tired of bumping into boxes every night. ;)

Don't forget to check your compass!

Cole

Dear Universe ... I am unbreakable...

In my short 46 years I have learned so much about myself and human nature in general. I've learned that I know a lot more than I used to but I am still learning every day, and I do not know everything yet.

In my experience, and there have been a few, in fact let me detail some of them for you just now...

I have been beat up, teased, and bullied by rough housing family members, bitten scratched, and growled at by farm animals, thrown off of horses into steel gates, trampled and squeezed by hungry cows, nearly frozen to death while walking to school, left in a hot vehicle in the summer by an errant parent, almost drown in the pond on the back 40, picked on, bullied, and teased for 8 looong years in public school. (thanking the universe for private education system), left on a deserted country road by a boy who said 'put out or get out' ( I chose to 'get out' and walk the 20 km back to the farm house). I've been stood up, gossiped about by jealous mean girls, left in a third world country to fend for myself and my two small children by a philandering spouse, lived through a Royal Coup d' Tat only 10 blocks from the action, left for dead by a third case of dysentery, cheated on, lied to, defied, disrespected, bullied by adults, more gossip, exclusion, jealousy, cheated death again, survived death threats by angry incarcerated young men, witnessed humans being very bad to each other, put a thriving business on hold to care for an ailing mother, buried a father, watched my children be forced to grow up too early because they had no choice, guilt of the single parent, poverty, hunger, stalkers, clients that don't pay even though they loved my pictures, boyfriends that love but don't commit, friends that talk the talk but can't walk the walk, and 2013 started with a bang, potential boyfriend decides he is a bad man so ends it before it even had a chance to start, get evacuated a few days later from the flood plain, 6 weeks of muddy, dirty cleaning, 6 weeks of clients cancelling all the work due to flooding, 6 weeks out of work with the bills still coming in, request an exorcism for the utility company computer for sending me disconnection notices and exorbitant bills for a currently uninhabitable address I am not allowed to go home to, try and salvage personal items from waterlogged and silt muddied building, give up after 5 looong days and throw it all in the muddy smelly heap on the front, what used to be a lawn, watch the front end loaders and bobcats scoop away personal possessions and memories and dump them in a big trucks to haul away the mess, laugh almost hysterically at the phone when the 'Tax man' calls while standing in my former front yard looking at the mess that was once my quiet, sleepy, neighbourhood, tell the 'Tax Man' to check my postal code and get back to me tomorrow, offer to put the stylishly green and dirty rubber boots back on so we can go to the dump together to find the stinking wet pile of boxes that used to be my intricately organized tax filing system, then the 'Tax Man' declined my very thoughtful offer and we called a truce as he realized last time the audit man found that they OWED ME money and my books were in order, because it's not like I had anything better to do, then we are allowed a 'conditional occupancy' back at the beachfront property and power is finally on after 6 weeks, and the cleaning begins with wiping down everything and getting the gritty silty dust from the riverbed and glacial deposits off of everything I own that was left behind and still dry, fridge smells from the food that thawed after the first 3 days with no power, bleaching fridge, baking soda, still smells, throw out any dried goods that were not sealed in plastic, and tastes and smells of dirt and feels gritty, hungry, tired, and sleeping on a floor mat because I was smart enough to remove almost all soft goods to high ground during the clean-up, all soft goods left in humid apartment smell like dirty river water and need dry-cleaning/excessive washing, thankful for the good sense of removing big ticket soft goods as cleaning the stinky flood smell would have been too expensive, but unimpressed with sleeping arrangements, getting bed back this weekend, spent last night remembering a favourite uncle, who was of good solid character, full of kindness and patience for a young black-sheep artistic child, and a life long soldier for our great country of Canada,  who passed away after a brief illness and old age.

In all these things there were also these moments, whose weight is belied by their simplicity and far outweighed the above, the kindness of strangers in the most desperate of situations, humour and levity in desperate times, the loyalty of true friendship, truth, compassion, empathy, honour, and love. Love unfettered by the boundaries of romance and possession, but true unconditional love. I have experienced ecstasy of the saints, ( that has NOTHING to do with sex for all my more base minded friends ) I have borne witness to countless miracles and unexplained phenomenon with moments of heart stopping tension... and I am still here.

I am, unsinkable, unstoppable, unbreakable... I am superhuman. and I am still here.

Conspiracy Theorists beware...

Boston Tragedy and conspiracies abound...

SO here we are, one day after the Boston Marathon Bombing and everyone is up in arms about the details and drills and loss of life, injuries, and photos.

Now I'm going to say, this event hits me right in my camera. No, I was not there, but a few sports photojournalists were attending and covering for their respective agencies. The tightening of my chest and tension in my neck and back were instant as I received a forwarded copy of details from one of my colleague's wives, to let us all know they were okay, unharmed, and still shooting the aftermath.

The email was quite personal so I'm not going to quote, but I will say in between doing his job, he grabbed anyone he came across that needed help and did what needed to be done, forgetting the 30 + lbs of camera gear strung across his upper body.

Now I'm seeing twitter and facebook conspiracy theorists call out the government for planting the bombs to raise a police state, theories of creating fear and distrust so they can take control. Keep in mind, we all have free speech for a reason and I'd like you all, if you have any negative comments... keep it civil, intelligent, and informed. There are very young people that read my words as well.

I'm going to go out on a limb here and just say it. This is highly unlikely to be a conspiracy plot. If it is, I'll be the first to admit but I really do have to say this out loud and clearly.

What would be the outcome if the news stations, government, and local authorities announced that there was a meteor heading straight for your town. Do you think that there would be a straight orderly line up out of town? Do you think that your neighbours, that you've never spoken to in the 10 years you've lived in that town would lend you their spare car, water, food, medical supplies? No... that's definitely not what would happen. It would be absolute chaos and serious death and injury would result long before the meteor ever hit the atmosphere. Human beings are pre-programmed by DNA to fight or flight. Not everyone has the basic emotional rational control to stay calm and think. They would run, there would be survival of the fittest. There would be stampedes, looting, and irrational behaviour.

The police, fire, and government would not likely announce a bomb threat in crowds of a 100,000+ plus. That would be stupid and cause more destruction and death than the actual bombs. They would do their best to find the bombs and clear the areas affected with as little public knowledge as possible, especially if they don't know who the bombers are, or where they are. In the general public, I can see this would anger you, but it was likely necessary to keep the public from panic.

Not everyone has a calling to save lives, even their own family. In fact over half of the worlds population will save themselves first knowing it was a choice between them or their child. Ask the people who save lives for a living what they've seen.

No, there was not a conspiracy theory. It was some incredibly brave emergency responders trying to keep everyone safe, walking among the crowd, knowing they will not be able to save everyone if they don't find the explosives fast enough. Imagine knowing that and having to keep your mouth shut so people don't trample their fellow crowd members to death.

And I reiterate... take a day to think about your response before you comment in anger or rebuttal. I had to sleep on this before I wrote it.

As for me and my camera, I am happy to be here at home in Calgary today. I am alive and breathing, and I can take pictures tomorrow, but I have faced death many times and I am still here. Happy to be here too.

Don't forget to check your Compass.

Cole

Colorful ...

20 + years ago, while I was off exploring the world and losing myself in amazing experiences outside of Canada, my family had a reunion. It was in the making for a few years prior to its commencement.
In fact, my great uncle had written a piece detailing the family tree from the Russian provinces in the 1800's. At the time, not much information could be detailed about my maternal grandmother's family. All we had was centric to my Grandfather's parent's flight from a rapidly evolving communist movement in St Petersbourg. More specifically, in 1892, the trek from Eastern Canada to their Central Alberta oil rich property. I found the lack of connectivity odd.

In my spare time, which is rare these days, I often looked for information on my Grandmother's family. Not much was known pre 1900's. She came directly from the Russian provinces in the early 1900's. She had two sisters already here in Alberta and she was sent for to be the bride of the youngest heir to a farming/landowning fortune. Of Germanic/Russian speaking roots, Bavarian so we now know, she was a perfect match for the Heir apparent. A younger brother followed later, who became a war hero, whom I was close with as a very young child. He is the reason I support the Poppy Fund whenever I can.

With the help of my lovely great aunties and a few distant cousins, we've managed to piece together something of a winding path of Bavarian middle nobility that spins its web through several dynasties of the great families of Europe. We followed the path from Canada, back to Lithuania via Russia, Prussia, France, Bavaria, and back to France.

The whole point to my story is how this relates to who I am today. The characters in the history have turned out to be incredibly colorful. I had no idea when I started this journey what I would find or who I would find. It appears the apple doesn't fall too far from the tree, although I have to say, the genetic coding can certainly skip a generation or two in the process. I don't believe my immediate family had ever understood my lust for life and experiences. I believe my artistic/photographic character is directly in line with my distant ancestors.

The oddest thing to see, was a portrait painted in the late 1800's of my Great, Great Grandmother. When I opened the file, it was my grandmother's face staring back at me. Actually... my face, my nose, my eyes but on a female in her 80's. She had a colorful story all on her own. She died in 1905, penniless, in the south of France. I can honestly say, based on what I know now, there are reason's people keep their family history a secret. Sometimes it's best not to know but I am glad I peeked. I can put questions about my own idiosyncrasies to rest as I now know how I managed to be so different from my sisters and parents, but related by DNA.

Travelling the world with my camera to record all the events as they unfold, is who I have been, who I am. The experiences, both good, bad, and some not too far off disasterous, are all par for the course of living.
My fever for adventure, life, and love is all a part of my colorful history. When all is said and done, I am proud to have done the things I have, lived such a massively larger than life existence, and am here to tell the stories today. When people raise their eyebrows at my life stories, I can say I come by it honestly. It's in the genes.

Now on to the next colorful adventure!

Don't forget to check your Compass!

Cole

Gun Control ... dig a little deeper

In light of recent violent events in US/China...

I have some thoughts on this that I posted elsewhere previously... let me just lay it all out for you as I see it.

In my former life in a law enforcement support job, and I'll be clear... I was NOT an office girl or a court clerk. I worked in the jail, up close and personal with all types of suspects and hard core convicted male and female offenders. I will never discuss what I have seen with anyone outside of law enforcement as I have to be honest here... it was not pretty. I've seen human beings at their absolute worst and also their lowest and for a a few years, I didn't stop seeing them even when I closed my eyes.

In my experience, gun control is not the issue at all, and before anyone decides to give me backlash, I am very much FOR gun control. You don't need a semi automatic to go hunting. PERIOD.

Ask any person in law enforcement and they will tell you, when a human being is so full of rage, everything... including a plastic fork can be made into a weapon.  If they want to hurt, maim, or kill another in their uncontrollable rage, they will find a way.  In fact, the choice of weapon is irrelevant. If they want you dead, they will find a way. Rage is not just a simple burst of endorphins and emotion. It can be a long drawn out process of years of thought and planning. In fact, most mass killings are somewhat planned. Regardless of what the theatrics of a defense attorney can conjure up in a courtroom, temporary insanity doesn't wash with me.

Gun controls will only stop the speed with which they can kill and maybe lessen the amount of killing. It will not stop the perpetrator from committing the act, planned or not.

Unless we all start walking around wearing full kevlar and safety helmets, maybe we should be looking a little further back and take preventative measures from infancy.  The issue is indeed society and a shortage of a strong family and community structure.

Building strength of character and good community involvement is essential to prevent the breakdown of moral values and social interaction. So as much as I would love to see gun control on the table, perhaps the measures should be deeper and more permanent. On that note Gun Control would be a really great start.

Happy Saturday!

Don't forget to check your Compass!

Cole
December 14th, 2012

A little wisdom from Bob...

“Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you’ve never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you. When something wonderful happens, you can’t wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement. They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful. There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around. You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are. The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever. Memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it’s like being young again. Colours seem brighter and more brilliant. Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn’t exist at all. A phone call or two during the day helps to get you through a long day’s work and always brings a smile to your face. In their presence, there’s no need for continuous conversation, but you find you’re quite content in just having them nearby. Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you. You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do. Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon. You open your heart knowing that there’s a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible. You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that’s so real it scares you. You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end. Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life.”
― Bob Marley

The Last Exit and National Geographic Update!

In photography, you learn to view the world in a different way than the average human. Your eyes are trained to observe moments in the scene before you that generally go un-noticed by the masses. A key part of this element is lighting. Different lighting can show everything there is to see in one eighth of a second, or tease you with only certain areas of an image lit well enough to see at first glance. It's these images I love the most. You look and see one thing, but with careful observation, you notice something else. The next time you look at the very same image, another piece of the scene becomes a part of your awareness. A well lit ( and I don't mean brightly, I mean well lit as in creatively with darkness and light) piece can tease you with it's image at first glance and keep you looking for the hidden objects that are just barely visible in the darkness or the peripheral edges of the work.

I walked into a place in Memphis and was blown away by the lighting in a very popular night spot. Bare light bulbs hanging from the ceiling on, what appeared to be the original early 1900's light fixture. One would think this would make for a hard scrabble existence in the night club world. Not so for this place. The owner was a friend to the man I was there to interview and photograph. Consequentially, I met the owner and we had a great discussion on the history of the building, it's previous owners, the current incarnation, and the ghosts that claim the building as home to date.

The bare light bulbs gave the club the depth and character that suited it's historical place in Memphis music history. My first visit was an experience I'll never forget and I'll have a full story on that in the book. (We are in the home stretch with the writing by the way). I serendipitously met a man who was a significant player in the change of history in the South with civil rights, along side Martin Luther King Jr. and Rosa Parks. He took me there, introduced me to the staff and owners, showed me around, and gave me a great history of his part in the 60's, 70's.

The club has paint peeling off the walls, the lathing is showing in spots where the plaster has fallen away. Small club tables, that you'd swear were original to the building when it was a cool place to hang out in the 1920's, ashtrays, coke iceboxes, and claw foot bathtubs still in place from when it was a overnight porter rooming house during prohibition. The lighting is a key element in the character of this building and is the subject of a recent canvas I had printed to auction at the Diabetes Fundraiser at Hotel Arts in Calgary on June 15th. Tickets are $75 and it's called A Creative Affair. Please come out, it's for a great cause. I won't be there but the canvas will be! ( The canvas by the way, is a 14 x 26 Fine Art Canvas print of the upstairs hallway in this joint. and Yes I can safely call it a joint) The owner gave me a picture of Elvis and BB King standing together in the very same hallway. For those of you that don't know, Tupelo, Mississippi is a short drive away and some would say this club's original musical line up would have been some of Elvis's most influential experiences.

The canvas is titled 'Last Exit' and the description talks a little about what I've written above. The impact the image had on me when I first saw this upper hallway was indeed, the last exit. A hallway with an exit sign, a window up to heaven, or a partially visible stairwell leading below, with a guiding light (the bare bulb over the stairwell and window above.) For those of you like myself that were raised with serious religion in the family, the image clearly has hidden meaning about the pathway to either, the choices you can make with doors on one side and windows on the other. You have to see it to really read this description and understand the image. The lighting plays a key roll in what's visible and barely visible.

This is my favorite kind of photography, where there is a vision that emerges more and more with the study of it. Something that is not staged but already exists as it is. Someone, like myself, comes along and sees, not the bare bulbs and decaying building that it is, but an image of our history, whether personal or practical and photographs the scene with a whole new perspective.

If you all have a mind to see it, Get a ticket for "A Creative Affair" at Hotel Arts on June 15th, 2012. It's up for silent auction. For whomever buys the piece, it's signed and numbered as 1/1. There will never be another one printed on this medium. All future prints will be limited to 50 and not on canvas, or that large. The full story of the meeting, interview, and photography of this event will be in the book so it will have a history of it's own that the new owner of the print can refer to for their own enjoyment.

Don't forget to check your Compass!
Cole

PS Update for National Geographic post... there are some people coming to Calgary this June for some NG business, not sure what their connection to NG is but I think I may have a meeting arranged... I'll keep you all updated! Keeping my finger's crossed...